i permit you to call me
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize