my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
