I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
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