if i can run in heels then i can drive
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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