Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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