why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
