Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize