dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
