my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
