You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
