my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
