You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
