I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
