I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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