it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize