im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I think your dad took our porno
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
