i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
