If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
