Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
