How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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