16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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