After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
