the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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