Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
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