Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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