i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
