My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
