it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
