i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize