Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
