I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
