I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
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I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
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I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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