don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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