My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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