If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
We got so high we made milksteak
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
