Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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