Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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