how can u be prego again
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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