dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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