8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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