I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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