maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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