Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
