She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
