Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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