im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
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