i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
