she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
