Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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