dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
