Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
