peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
