piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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