Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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