Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
