Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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