i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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