You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
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