I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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