btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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