6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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