God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
