then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
