Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
