when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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