just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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