Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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