The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
