Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
